my nightmares rip me from my bed, causing me to flail like a helpless ragdoll, i fall down before the gods and curse, how could you inflict this pain on me. I commited no sin against you, no high treason. yet everytime i close my eyes, my adernaline spikes and all i can pray for is the moment i wake up or the time to stop the pain to stop. I feel you feel it feel him, i cant, it smothers me, smothering me silently. Heavy noises, panting, breathing pain, abused the scare the loss the fright the hurt you ripped from inside me. why didnt you just kill me i wouldve preferred that, i really would have, instead of having your spider fangs dip into my sub concious every night. causing me to be jumpy, the untrusting heart, the heart that will no longer trust those who have inflicted pain upon me. i dont understand, i am unsure of the rare occurances where i dont have these thoughts, these memories, the venom poisoning and corrupting all thought process that i have, the irk, the feeling, i cant stand to feel this i am unsure of where my reality is, i dont know how i deserved this. am i that mistake the one you wished never happened.
How can i do this, abused, drugs, sex, drugs, booze, rape, drugs, loss, choices, change, no more drugs, booze, loss, its all so different so diverse. Break me please break my heart, itd be less painful than that. or would it. lovers sought between the closest embrace ruined by the deep infectious memories, i cant give unto him, them, the lovers because i am so afraid, so scared your face everywhere i turn i see it. I dont dare walk towards that area of my life alone, i want love the man the pain to dissipate, the... the...
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