Friday, October 30, 2009

HAPPY HALLOWEENN EVERYONE
HOPE YALL G TRICK OR TREAT AND DRESSED UP
TAHHHH

Thursday, October 15, 2009

SORRRIESSS

Chelliyurrrr. I havent blogged in a while and for that im sorry but once i am ungrounded from the computer at home ill write more.! Thanx fer followingg
^-^

Monday, September 14, 2009

Uhm.. untitled.

today was hard for me..
I had to try to get myself to accept the fact
Im not in Calgary
I miss it.
And people here dont measure up
But i do need to try and make friends here
As much as i dont want to.
I cant run no more

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Hurt

You know when you have a wonderful time with someone
and your completely elated and they seem totally fine and
dandy and then you find out there angry. How do I deal with
that?

*sigh*

Kaiii. so this is a poem that was inspired while i was talking to a friend (mirror boy) on msn and I was like OMG POEM ATTACK. and its bout my night so here it is.

Breathless.
I can arely utter your name
I feel my hart going thumping
My breath quickening with my thoughts of you
Your lips pressed softly to mine

The scent of you and your height
Your hair your face
I can see you when i close my eyes
and darling your beauty makes me wanna cry

I love you, the way yu say my name
The way your green eyeS look down into my own
When your fingers brush my cheek
to move my hair out of my face

With your body pressed into my own
your hips against me.
yourbeauty stunning me
I cantwait to be held in your ars again tomorrow..
You leave me.
Breathless

thoughts.

So i was thinking. If se treats me like im wrthless. should i continue ignoring it. I understany elder but it hurts all the same. All ive got is a great great mate who continues to lift me into high spirits.

Clutch my heart
Those soft hands,
No need to steal it
I'd give it to you
Let you lift me from this insanity

Reinspire me
Thank you love,
you are my friend

and the conversations we have i crave
they let me Live

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Helpless

Im confused. Normally making friends and being myself comes so easilyto me but lately its not working i cant socialize the way i have before. and i dont quite understand why. i cant help my friends my bf only wants me to objectify myself so he can get a good wank.
My art woek still isnt even the same as it used to be, its half hearted tlike the effort i try to put forth just isnt working anymore. even my poetry (if yuve read my old stuff) doesnt have that intensity.
m tired of wanting to be understood and yes i complain alot but i do it because i am confused. idk what to do with myself any more.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

mistake.

I dont want to be a mistake anymore. my heart hurts my head is tired. im empty i dont care. Im leaving. running away. so you can make me better. please make me better and fix me like you said. like you promised. iv been broken to many times. im not sure what to do nymore and idont understand..

gas leak. helpless. confused still!

so today i got let out of school early because there was a gas leak. There were 10 ambulances. 7 fire trucks. and alot of police. 25 people were treated on site and 16 were hospitalized. I really hope everyones ok and eerything will bebetter tomorrow.

I wanna feel like. loved you know like really over the top loved and happy and just joy and hope. I need it. its not so muc a want. the love I have is nice its sweet but its not overwhelmingI want it to be. Its what I need, But i need to admit t myself. That everythings not going to be my way. that my dad wont love me the way i want. that i cant breathe sometimes. and the oly rea love i have is the kiss of the razor into my flesh. but it needs to be concealed.. it would kill my dad to know what i do to my self.

And i have feelngs for this other boy hes cute and sweet and amazing in everyway. but he doesnt know it. hes self concious like myself. but i just want to hold him andkiss his fears away and im so anxious to move to england just so i can be like here i am! im me! and just hug him and be his friend and love him.

he brings happy tears to my eyes. Thank you hun..

Also i have a new poem..


When i feel like i can grasp no longer
I will surrender
Not because I am weak
Nt because I have no will power

But because I have fallen for the right reason
At the most conveinient timing
A rather heart warming feeling
And hes the most amazing person..

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I cant wake up

I feel as though i am sinking into nothingness. because i cant wake up from this wonderland. im not sure what to do anymore and im not sure who i am.. who i wanna be, back to high school yay.. but im not sure what to do.. im afraid to socialize. but i love to talk. im afrid to write but writing is my passion and im afraid to let my self love. after him... them. those hurtful people. and im afraid to fess up to what they did... it might break me.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Trapped?

You ever feel like maybe.. Just maybe your trapped in your home and not only that that you are trapped in you mind. Ever since I moved in with my dad. I feel like im stuck. Like im a bird being sought out by some sort of wolf. Im never smart enough for him, What i do isnt good enough for him. No matter how hard i try. I supress every feeling I have... Its finally killing me inside and it doesnt help much that the men in my life dont seem to give a rats ass. They all dont care. My only relief is long walks to my Aunts house. I finally feel emotionally and physically drained and I can finally give no more....

Thughtful Facebook statuses Ive posted this week.

> is it that time again.
Where I should surrender
my will to you
And take an undying pledge
to love you only to be
smashed to bits again

> rip thoroughly
through those veins.
Yes. Yes. Now
watchyour life fade away

> I want to fall into your arms
just like an old fashioned
romace and have you whisper
sweet Nothings in my eats
as I run my fingers through your
silken hair and you to caress my
lips softly then embrace me with
the binding touch of your soft lips
tasting of delicious raspberries.

And finally My Poem for Today..

He let me sink into the ice
right on the edge of my life
someone dove in after me
It wasnt that naive boy
But a beautiful man
With a body of warmth
grabbing me in muscular arms
And holding me cloe to his wet
Strong Body.

Laying me next to him
Letting me shake in anticipation
Blue Lips
Bare Hips
He couldnt stand it anymore
Hot trails of kisses across my face
Lingering upon my lips

He pulled me on top of him
holding me
clutching the small of my back
intertwined legs
pulling my lips anxiously back to his own

And smothering me with hot wet love.

That is all for now. I hope you all have a good day..

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Pull

You pull me 'round
Like I'm your hopeless ragdoll
I give
and
I give,
All of myself to you
completely unyeilding
you hold me
But don't show you care.
I,
I should be able to depend on you
Not be some sexual puppet
When you leave me
I'm crawling.
Even more broken.
Then someone else picks me up
But he is worse than you were
I am unsure what to want
Or what to expect
You were My Only..
and I was your..
Nothing,

Grasp

As I fall from my graceful pedestal
I grasp for you on my way down
The endless fall to insanity
I hope to grab your hand
I open my eyes
Yur face no longer there,
I search for another lover
To take your place
But it feels like my heart is bleeding
And the sane is gone.
Lost in a depressive state.
I find him
You.
The Boy.
No. not a lover.
But a true friend.

Something to think about....

the blade sunk deep inside your wrist.
As we muttered.. tis not worth fighting just
Resist.
- Said by a certain druid.

I think about this phrase and it constantly puzzles me.
One the one hand the sick beauty of it makes me feel like crying
But on the other hand it has the essence of truth does it not.
I think that this can be the opening to finding yourself.
And so this is the beginning of my Blog. That will be filled with my feelings and
My poetry..

Lostt!

I had a blog before this but i lost my account name
so now this is my new blog my old blog was
childofintensity.blogspot.com
thank you