Hold your hand

My secret to you.
I secretly crave to hold you.
I ache to touch you.
I wish you could see me.
I am trying not to hide.
But its seems like an amusement ride.
I want to hold your hand.
Let me hold you when you cry.
The pain written on your face makes me want to die.
I want to kiss you
But it wouldnt be true.
No it wouldnt,
Immoral in your eyes,
It makes me want to cry.

Dont you see i would die.
I would die for you.
No thoughts just 2.
The 2 simplicities.
Of these diverse words.
Your eyes call them to me.
How can I respond.
There the simplest of words.
Love me
Perhaps,
Hold me,
Maybe,
Kiss Me,
Possibly,
Save Me.
Yes those words...
Save Me.
I am coming sweet child.
Be strong for me.



>>>> if only you knew who you were

gritty sleep.

my nightmares rip me from my bed, causing me to flail like a helpless ragdoll, i fall down before the gods and curse, how could you inflict this pain on me. I commited no sin against you, no high treason. yet everytime i close my eyes, my adernaline spikes and all i can pray for is the moment i wake up or the time to stop the pain to stop. I feel you feel it feel him, i cant, it smothers me, smothering me silently. Heavy noises, panting, breathing pain, abused the scare the loss the fright the hurt you ripped from inside me. why didnt you just kill me i wouldve preferred that, i really would have, instead of having your spider fangs dip into my sub concious every night. causing me to be jumpy, the untrusting heart, the heart that will no longer trust those who have inflicted pain upon me. i dont understand, i am unsure of the rare occurances where i dont have these thoughts, these memories, the venom poisoning and corrupting all thought process that i have, the irk, the feeling, i cant stand to feel this i am unsure of where my reality is, i dont know how i deserved this. am i that mistake the one you wished never happened.
How can i do this, abused, drugs, sex, drugs, booze, rape, drugs, loss, choices, change, no more drugs, booze, loss, its all so different so diverse. Break me please break my heart, itd be less painful than that. or would it. lovers sought between the closest embrace ruined by the deep infectious memories, i cant give unto him, them, the lovers because i am so afraid, so scared your face everywhere i turn i see it. I dont dare walk towards that area of my life alone, i want love the man the pain to dissipate, the... the...

forbidden passions

She is walking, alone the beautiful woman, the forsaken warrior, the lone wolf, the unloved one. She will encounter a proper lover so she hopes. many of times she has died, to be reincarnated later on in life she has been bent and broken. she is unsure, she is seemingly fearless, fighting with every breath not to have to put him down.
She becomes confused, lost she is unsure of her self, at the cross roads, between life and death, the loss and sadness plague her everyday existance, she utters soft words and hopes for him, for some one to save her.
Will she find her salvation, will her saviour come through, as the days pass once again she nears the end of the world, deciding she must bear the weight of the world on her shoulders, heal the broken, cure the emotionless, aid the ill.
When she steps out of the dreamy state of her life, she realizes perhaps in death, in death it is better, she does not dare weep over a man, for she will not be weak, she let the men break her and it shall happen no more.

uncanny realisations

3:08 am..
im sitting here...

i dont know what to do
this mental epitome of bliss
like a lovers forgotten kiss
the seemingly ungrateful bastards
breaking thru my guards.

the grippin pulsating reality,
the brutal description of words,
the unexplainitory insanity of life.

The hearltessness and wrecklessness
the unsensical rhythmic flow of this little piece
the heaven to be unspoke of for it is a sin

the cancer eats at your body,
the forsaken lover fiending for your demise
the loss of the simple things.
hope doesnt exist anymore.
commone sense doesnt. the confusion

the brain that has shut down
splurs out random verses of feelings,
emotions unsure of unsaid
the feeling inside of the insanity,

why are you insane..
i mean why am i insane
are we insane,
why are you causing me this pain.

mistaken brutally.
lied to naturally.
lost painfully.
broken in scruitiny.

whats left..

?Loss of Hope

I thought I had lost everything when i moved out of the group home i stepped into the real world and im not gonna lie i was scared shitless. what it comes down to is what yur made of not what happens tomorrow or who hurts you the most. people always fuck us over. I am just grateful for my roomate and her boyfriend for being such great supports to me. Im also sorry to him for pushing him away. what else would i do/
ChildOFInsanity

Long time

Long Time not enuff blogg!!!

today i told the girl i like i like her and it made me feel all childish and silly but sometimes its good to feel that again.

Bitter pasts always
reveal a beautiful life
Even in Love or Hell.

HAPPY HALLOWEENN EVERYONE

HOPE YALL G TRICK OR TREAT AND DRESSED UP

TAHHHH